16 Monday Dec 2019
Tags
art, happiness, Joy, lessons, lifelesson, poem, poetry, poetryblog
Choose curious eyes,
Walk the world like spies.
Above your storms and furnaces,
There is so much sky to thank for
Yet, you see:
Grief of dismissed events
In these funny-shaded clouds.
The rain falling, my friend
Is to wash away aching pasts
So, in times of sinister spontaneity,
Won’t you close your eyes, spread your arms, and dance in heaven’s stream?
13 Friday Dec 2019
The other day, I talked to a lady who is from Haiti.
Being Haitian in foreign land, we shared what glued us together.
She told me I left my country too early. So I don’t know anything
I feel cheated each time I remember
She’s right.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’ve given up my country for foreign soil
But, how can I lose something that I never had?
Lately, I’ve been struggling and trying to, once again, have a firm grip on my culture–starting with the language. So I’ve been listening to a lot of Haitian music and reaching out to friends and family back in Haiti to practice my Creole. The language has changed a lot, but the worst part is I’ll never know how much it has changed because I was only 11 when I left the country. It’s mighty young and I was pretty oblivious to most.
If any of you are into learning about cultures or are multilingual, you would understand that learning a language is not just about learning grammar rules. It goes as far as having knowledge of the culture, to learn the language. In Haitian Creole, very strong emphasis is put on knowing the culture to fully get the language.
At 11 years old, I barely knew the culture. Yeah, I spoke the language–as far as what was required of me is concerned–and I had lived in the country for 11 years, but as you get older, more sophisticated thoughts and eloquence are required. And I will argue that it’s only then you really get a language.
After being in the states, scrambling to figure out this lifestyle and fit in, for the past 11 years, sometimes it feels like I’m losing my culture. Starting with the language.
08 Sunday Dec 2019
Tags
friend, friendship, lessons, notetoself, poem, poetry, Relationship, writing
A part of me still doesn’t believe in friendship
Well,
A part of me still believes I don’t deserve friendship.
So, I drop people like clouds drop rain
I never reach out
Like a weak WiFi signal.
But you’re out of range, so it doesn’t matter.
I don’t keep in touch, as if my phone had a shattered screen
And when somebody checks up on me
I get suspicious, and ask them why…
Okay, BOOM! Junior year of high school (2014). I got hit by a car. Woke up thinking I had just woken up from sleep and that I was late to school. (Close, but not quite). Found out I did wake up late for school. To be more precise, 11 days late. I had fallen into an 11-day coma from the car accident.
My life changed. My friends distanced themselves. I grew bitter. Dealing with all the internal (emotional, intellectual) changes and rollercoaster, I grew more bitter. I felt lonely. So I grew even more bitter. I started distancing myself from everyone. Realized that people didn’t really notice. They had their own things to deal with, so why should they care about me? If “no one cared about me”, why should I care about myself? I grew more bitter. Became dangerously suicidal. This world (assuming there are others) is an ugly place. My view towards the world changed drastically (positively and negatively). I had to survive. I embraced the loneliness.
This story hasn’t ended yet. Nor has it changed a lot. Although, I have met some people who are near and dear to my heart. Who I can reach out to.
Solitude is a dangerous ass thing y’all. There are unending quotes, and I’ve seen so many people advocate on how important it is to be able to remain in a lonely state. That’s true. But loneliness mixing with the wrong thing is dangerous af. Pay attention to your friends. Don’t just be like “hey, how are you?” and proceed with your life when they say all is alright! (Of course all is alright! Why would I tell you what I’m going through?? I don’t even know what I’m going through! So why be a burden). So in addition to asking, pay attention to them–what they do, any slight changes. Don’t lose a good friend emotionally or physically because you didn’t invest in paying attention to them.
Sircharlesthepoet 