Poetry by Charles Joseph

Keep Your Friends Close

A part of me still doesn’t believe in friendship
A part of me still believes I don’t deserve friendship.

So, I drop people like clouds drop rain
I never reach out
Like a weak WiFi signal.
But you’re out of range, so it doesn’t matter.
I don’t keep in touch, as if my phone had a shattered screen
And when somebody checks up on me
I get suspicious, and ask them why…


Okay, BOOM! Junior year of high school (2014). I got hit by a car. Woke up thinking I had just woken up from sleep and that I was late to school. (Close, but not quite). Found out I did wake up late for school. To be more precise, 11 days late. I had fallen into an 11-day coma from the car accident.

My life changed. My friends distanced themselves. I grew bitter. Dealing with all the internal (emotional, intellectual) changes and rollercoaster, I grew more bitter. I felt lonely. So I grew even more bitter. I started distancing myself from everyone. Realized that people didn’t really notice. They had their own things to deal with, so why should they care about me? If “no one cared about me”, why should I care about myself? I grew more bitter. Became dangerously suicidal. This world (assuming there are others) is an ugly place. My view towards the world changed drastically (positively and negatively). I had to survive. I embraced the loneliness.

This story hasn’t ended yet. Nor has it changed a lot. Although, I have met some people who are near and dear to my heart. Who I can reach out to.

Solitude is a dangerous ass thing y’all. There are unending quotes, and I’ve seen so many people advocate on how important it is to be able to remain in a lonely state. That’s true. But loneliness mixing with the wrong thing is dangerous af. Pay attention to your friends. Don’t just be like “hey, how are you?” and proceed with your life when they say all is alright! (Of course all is alright! Why would I tell you what I’m going through?? I don’t even know what I’m going through! So why be a burden). So in addition to asking, pay attention to them–what they do, any slight changes. Don’t lose a good friend emotionally or physically because you didn’t invest in paying attention to them.


10 responses to “Keep Your Friends Close”

  1. Learning how to be alone and enjoy that solitude is one thing. Becoming lonely and unable to reach out because we fear that no one really cares is an entirely different matter. It took me a long time to realize this. I am once more relearning to enjoy my solitude. My alone time before reality sets in. When son comes home and work comes along and all the myriad of responsibilities. Today I am listening to music, reading blogs that I have not had a chance to all week long. Clean later and enjoy this time. Sorry I am pontificating. All I can say is I am glad that there are people that you can reach out to now. And I greatly enjoy reading your words. Have a great Sunday. 🙂

    1. Hey Jay-lyn, thank you for your response. I know how to be alone. I very much enjoy being in my lonesomeness. I probably enjoy it more than being with others. Also, I was never afraid of reaching out to people. What had happened is that I DID reach out to people, many times, and I never got anything back. So I learned that I truly am all that I got.

      But, anyways, I got hit by a car then fell into an 11-day coma. After that, the best thing that my friends thought to do after I woke up was to go away and never come back??? I’m not mad that they spaced themselves–do what you gotta do. But I literally experienced death and came back, but with all the intelligence that you, and those you confide your thoughts in, have, you think the best thing to do is abandon me??? Wow, that’s truly absurd and inconsiderate. These were my bestest of friends too. Thinking about it is just enraging. But thank you for your support and positivity!!!

      1. I am very sorry your friends were absolute jerks. And you are most welcome. 🤓💜

  2. I love this. One of my friends that I met online when I was very lonely would always tell me that we weren’t meant to be alone. We had each other and it was a beautiful thing. I should call her. Thanks for the reminder. 🙂

    1. Thank you <3 that is a beautiful thing. We are meant to stay in groups. Call her 🙂

  3. Great post! You survived to tell your tale.
    I’ve learned in life that sometimes people distance themselves—cause they just don’t know what to say.

    1. They didn’t have to say anything. They just had to be there when I wanted to stick knives in my throat

      1. Yeah, I understand. Been there (in my own way) before. I wish you all the best as you process through your pain. 😊

        1. Thank you 🙏🏾

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