Recently, I realized that I got friendzoned a lot in my life because I am too emotionally mature—even back when I was a young lad in elementary school. Back then, I didn’t know why, but now I understand it as a natural skill in conversation and natural emotional maturity that I have.
Oftentimes, when I start talking to a girl, after two to three separate conversations into our relationship, she would already be telling me very personal stories and truths about herself because she felt that much comfortable in opening up to me—something I’ve always respected and never violated. Unfortunately, when it came to the point where I built enough courage to ask her out on a date, or ask her to be my girlfriend, the answer would always be no, “I really like our friendship and I don’t want to mess it up by getting love involved” or “I love you as a friend, and I don’t want that to change” or “I only like you as a friend” or “no, can we just stay friends please?” or “but you’re my friennddd! Haha…” For a long time, I used to beat myself up over the fact that 1) of all my guy friends (including the ones who barely court/date girls), I was the one to get friendzoned the most and 2) 95% of the best friendships that I’ve had with girls started out as me having romantic interests in that girl until she ends up friendzoning me.
Now, I’ve grown to understand it all as the result of emotional maturity. Having experienced love from an internal view and an external view, I completely understand why someone would want to preserve a healthy relationship by avoiding romance. Nonetheless, I still think it’s best to date that friend that understands you. Date the person who invests time to comprehend and emotionally resonate with you. If the relationship ends up falling apart because love conquered the healthy aspects of it, well, at least you won’t walk away telling a story of how you were in a toxic relationship that you were blind to. On the bright side, the partner being so emotionally mature and able to resonate with you in an emotional level may lead to a healthier depart from the relationship when you two are no longer functioning ideally as romantic partners.
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