I miss her telling me how beautiful the moon is.
She loves the moon, and I do too. She would always tell me or send me a picture when she thought the moon was beautiful. That was a message I always looked forward to because I do want to know what the moon looks like in NYC. I wanna know that the moon is beautiful through her eyes. I wish I had let her know how much I loved each time she told me about the moon. I love seeing the moon through her. It was more beautiful and special that way.
I feel like I didn’t appreciate it enough whenever she sent me a message about the moon. Damn, it really is true isn’t it? You never know how good something was until you lose it. I wonder if at times she realizes how good I was, now that she has lost me. But I doubt it—she is happily in love now. I’m sure thoughts about me don’t even matter. Thoughts of me don’t even dare to go near her. Do I still cross your mind? I think about her everyday, not obsessively—not anymore, but I do think about her every day. She’s just a thought that crosses my mind so casually every now and then, like an awakening wind that distracts me from whatever it be—perhaps a reminder of what I don’t have anymore. Damn, just like that everything was thrown away.
A while ago, I saw a post on the We’re Not Really Strangers Instagram page (I think it was their page). The quote said that a saddening thing about a relationship ending is that a language dies. The unique way you spoke to each other, the cute words and inside jokes that only you two would understand, and know the origin of, is gone. It’s no more. A way of life came to an end. Some things that you got comfortable with and were super-duper accustomed to are just no more. They’re dead. This is something I’m going through right now with having lost her. I hate separations. I particularly hate how this one happened. I’m grateful for how it happened though, strangely enough to say. Like I said, had it not happen, I wouldn’t have realized so many things in my life. Plus, there are many positive changes that I’m implementing in my life which were triggered by her moving on. Although, I’d love to still have her in my life—maybe a full casual conversation every now and then. But I have no right to that, anymore. That was thrown away too. I don’t have the right to that, anymore. We’re really strangers.
I wonder if she misses our conversations, or is she so happy and comfortably in love that all thoughts of me are already gone, irrelevant, and erased, in a matter of what? Only a few months? A summer. Maybe that’s for the best. That’s how it’s supposed to be regardless of how much I believe in a human’s ability to change fate, what’s meant to be, and how things are supposed to roll out. She obviously is enlightened in a way that I’m not.
I wonder what the moon in NYC looks like tonight.
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